Alexander Shakhov

Personal mission: “A happy woman. Strong man. A strong family"

Born on Baikal, grew up in Kamchatka in a family of geologists. After the army, he served in a special unit of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Russian Federation for the fight against terrorism and organized crime, participated in anti-terrorist special operations in "hot spots". By decree of the President of the Russian Federation, he was awarded a state award.

Graduated from the Far Eastern Law Institute of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Russian Federation with honors as a lawyer. For more than 10 years he worked in the prosecutor's office, including in senior positions as a city prosecutor and first deputy head of the Investigation Department of one of the federal districts. Awarded with departmental awards. He retired with the rank of lieutenant colonel.

He completed professional training at the Southern Federal University as a psychologist, and began a private consulting practice. At the invitation of the organizers, he conducted psychological seminars and trainings in more than 350 cities in 35 countries of the world, including Switzerland, Germany, France, Italy, and the USA. Psychologist with over 10 years of experience.

In her work she uses the author's integrative approach — emotional-reflexive therapy based on the theory and practical tools of cognitive-behavioral therapy, Ellis rational-emotional therapy, Gestalt therapy, Berne's transactional analysis, psychodrama and art therapy techniques, existential analysis, Ericksonian coaching and hypnosis, client-centered therapy. He uses a synthesis of the best methods from almost all known areas of psychology and believes that a modern psychologist should have a large arsenal of tools.

Practicing special meditations. Loves fiction and popular science literature. Plays the piano and classical guitar. Speaks German and English.

Married, has a son.

Contacts

+971503251168

HISTORY AND BIOGRAPHY

I believe that in erudition, and universal. I used to read books about Sherlock Holmes, and that's what attracted me to him: he was a generalist. After all, to be a good detective, you need to be knowledgeable in many areas. He had knowledge from many areas: physics, chemistry, history and so on. When I worked in the prosecutor's office (a kind of Sherlock Holmes), I was convinced in practice that broad erudition helps a lot in working and communicating with people. Perhaps you do not understand all areas as deeply and expertly as possible, but if erudition is generally high - some insights and revelations appear at the junction of various areas of knowledge, you can learn a lot, draw parallels, see patterns.

Now, as a psychologist and entrepreneur, I understand that social laws apply in the field of business (after all, in fact, this is just social interaction). Many parallels can be drawn. Including, studying psychology, to understand what will be effective in sales.

For example, the principle of contrast, well known to all psychologists. If at first the seller offers some expensive product, and then the product is cheaper, then it seems not as expensive as it really is. The same works in design. If you place a medium-sized object against the background of a large object, then this will not attract much attention. And if you place a small one against the background of a large object, then people will begin to look closely at both: it will simply be impossible not to notice the large one, and the small look will also come to pass. If you place large text on an empty sheet, and a small line with small print at the bottom, then it will also be read. The contrast draws attention.

Parallels can be seen in history, literature, and art. The same patterns can work in different areas of perception, communication, social interaction of people. Broad erudition allows you to understand and see patterns in one area, and successfully apply them in other areas.

I believe that it is important and necessary to be an expert in one area, but it is no less important to be a sufficiently educated person in principle, to have knowledge in many other areas. Therefore, I enjoy reading various literature: from the theory of evolution to mathematics and quantum mechanics. Of course, in each of these areas I am not an expert or even an average specialist, but familiarization with the general principles of the interaction of various systems and elements allows me to effectively use the patterns in my field - the field of psychology and business.

By and large, I believe that business is a special case of psychology. Psychology is the science of relationships between people, and business is relationships between people associated with the sale of material objects and services.

LIVE THOUSAND AUDIENCE. WHAT IS THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS?

Each psychologist chooses his own specialization. I specialize in relationships between men and women, in relation to oneself, that is, solving problems with the elimination of negative unconscious childhood programs, increasing self-esteem and developing self-confidence.

More and more people are interested in psychology, of course, this is more of a female audience. But gradually, men begin to trust psychology and turn to specialists.

DO PEOPLE REFER TO PSYCHOLOGISTS? WHAT PROBLEMS ARE COMING TO YOU?

A modern woman needs the same thing for happiness as a woman 300 years ago. Maybe now it has become a little more difficult - there are much more opportunities, respectively, and temptations. If a girl in the 16th-18th century lived in a village, there was no concept of romantic love, she was simply given in marriage. For her, happiness is to get a non-drinking husband who would run the household well, and his children were healthy and survived (with a mortality rate of 50%, this was important).

A modern woman certainly needs a lot more. She wants to travel, enjoy all the benefits of civilization, wear beautiful dresses, be recognized in society, in particular in social networks, have an interesting job, children, family, romantic relationships, like in Hollywood films. Modern women want everything that is shown as success.

Yes, it really brings pleasure, but the problem is that a person is practically not able to get everything at once. Therefore, the opposite effect arises - paralysis of choice, apathy, disappointment in oneself, when you don’t know what to grab onto.

Comparing her life with the glamorous, highly embellished life of bloggers, a woman is greatly disappointed. Those who try to achieve this begin to realize that in most cases this is a hoax. Either they are disappointed, or they themselves begin to deceive. They show others how they live, realizing that they are lying and this does not bring satisfaction. It is more difficult to become happy in the modern world, despite the fact that there are more opportunities. Such a paradox.

WHAT DOES A MODERN WOMAN NEED FOR HAPPINESS?

I believe that the main problem of married couples is the lack of education in the field of family and gender psychology, the lack of knowledge on how to build relationships. For some reason, we think that relationships are something that does not need to be learned, that everything will work out by itself.

My favorite psychologist, Erich Fromm, gives an interesting example in The Art of Loving. He compares love to the art of playing the violin. He says that loving another person is not an innate ability. It's a skill. He needs to study. In order to learn how to play the violin, you first look for a violin, a teacher, and practice playing for several years. Once you've learned how to play, it doesn't matter what instrument you play - you can do it on a million-dollar violin and a 10-dollar violin.

What is happening now? Most people think that love is about having the right object: if you find another person that suits you, love will immediately flare up, a spark will fly. But then it's like when a person thinks: “I'm not going to learn to play the violin, I just need to find the right instrument! These violins simply do not suit me, but somewhere in the world there is one that I will pick up and, without learning to play, I will immediately play beautiful music.” Very beautiful author's allegory.

To learn how to play the music of love, you need to learn to play with all the stages, as we master any other skill: when we learn to walk or learn a foreign language.

The biggest problem for couples is that they don't understand this. You need to learn to talk, listen, get out of conflicts, support, motivate, control your emotions, learn to dream together and do something. Any training in the form of joint repair shows that we do not know how to interact with each other.

People enter relationships completely unprepared, uneducated. It's like being put into the job of a surgeon, doing heart surgery with absolutely no training. What would we do in such a situation? They would probably cause a lot of pain to patients and suffer from it themselves. That's the same thing that happens in life.

WHY DO PEOPLE BREAK UP AND DIVORCE?